A History of Music on a Saturday Morning, with a Side of Communism

After staying awake until 3am doing some reading, I allowed myself to sleep in until 10am today. Alarm went off, I groggily turned it off and breathed in the (not-so-fresh-since-it's-Moscow) air since it has been warm enough to leave the window open! I expect the hustle and bustle of the city, as well as the laughter and tears of the children in the park behind me. I did not expect to be awoken by Shakira's "Whenever, Wherever" being blasted. Momentarily wondered if I had been transported to a Latin country. Nope, still in Moscow. This was only the beginning of the morning's music:

"Whenever, Wherever" by Shakira
"Chattanooga Choo Choo"by Harry Warren and Mark Gordon
"To the Moon and Back" by Savage Garden
"You Spin Me Right Round (Like a Record)" by Dead or Alive
Unidentifiable Euro Trash Pop Music
"All Around the World (La La La La La)" by ATC (aka A Touch of Class)
"Takin' Back My Love" by Enrique Iglesias, featuring Ciara
***too much traffic to decipher***
"Livin' La Vida Loca" by Ricky Martin
Some Russian Ska music I have never heard before
"What Is Love (Baby Don't Hurt Me" by Haddaway
Unspecified Swing Music
A Medley of:
          "Rock Around the Clock" by Bill Haley
          "Wake Up Little Susie" by The Everly Brothers
          "You Ain't Nothin' But a Hound Dog" by Elvis Presley
          "Shake Rattle and Roll" by Bill Haley and the Comets
***too much construction noise to decipher***
"To the Moon and Back" by Savage Garden (again...)
"You Spin Me Right Round (Like a Record)" by Dead or Alive
"All Around the World (La La La La La)" by ATC (aka A Touch of Class)

Apparently we are on a loop. The best part of which was when I looked out of my window as some Euro Trash pop music was playing, and noticed a large group of kids with a few adults holding some red flags.

I called my friend Matt over to explain what was happening outside of my window. He said it was the Young Pioneers (aka Russian Boy/Girl Scouts) and then the flag opened it up and it was Soviet era.

A man in a long black coat began lecturing fanatically, and then the Russian National Anthem was played, fighting for air time with the Unidentifiable Euro Trash Pop Music (round 2). 



The best part is that this was the SOVIET National Anthem being played. Same tune for both, different words, and Matt deciphered that this is the Communist rendition.

And back to...
"Takin' Back My Love" by Enrique Iglesias, featuring Ciara

Theater Etiquette

Two months in, I should be used to most of the abysmal behaviors that occur during theatrical performances in Moscow. Sadly, tonight's production of Nabokov's The Event at MXAT (Moscow Art Theater named after Chekhov) proved that I was far from immune to this:

Situation #1: We have our seats. Real, assigned, numbered seats. Not even the fold-out half seats. True ones, with backs and everything. The usher shows my friend and I to them and there is an older woman sitting in one of them. Hmm. Maybe they accidentally assigned two people to the same seat? Ask the usher. Nope, definitely my seat. The usher asks the woman to get up, shows her my ticket and waits. Argument ensues. The usher has to help other people find their seats, but assures me (in Russian! that I understood!) that all will be well. The older woman gets up from the seat and her companion, a hefty woman in red, sits her big ol' bottom down on my seat. What gives? The usher calls over ANOTHER usher to tell this woman she cannot sit there, and she refuses to move. Seeing other open seats, I figure I will fend for myself if need be and, true to Russian style, pick an empty seat when the third bell rings. The third bell rings, the woman in red arises, and goes to find a better seat.

Situation #2: About 10 minutes into the play a cell phone rings. And rings. And rings even louder as the culprit is trying to locate his/her phone to presumably turn it off. An old lady, two rows behind me, takes the phone out and proceeds to have a whole conversation. I'm sorry, if you cannot use your technology (and yes, I fully admit there are many things on my iPhone that I do not know how to use to their fullest ability), at least the basic functions of on, off and silent, you shouldn't have it. And yes, mistakes do happen. However, a full on conversation during a performance is not how this is solved. 

Situation #3 and #4: About 15+ minutes into the first act, the usher leads in someone to be late sat. Other people have been late sat already, but just into the last row. This time, a Tibetan monk is led into the theater and to a seat on house left (your left as an audience member if you are looking at the stage). Fine, there is a seat on the end of a three person row. The woman (now in the middle seat) is infuriated that she has to move her bag in order for the monk to sit down. I am not sure which bothers me more: showing up rather late to a performance, or feeling that your bag deserves a seat of its own?! (more on this at another time....)

Situation #5: The Tibetan monk proceeds to take pictures during the entirety of Act I. And, if that is not annoying enough, is leaning essentially onto the seat of the person in front of him, who happens to be my friend Leslie (of Maslenitsa fame).

Situation #6: Many people decide to walk out during the act. Unless you are having an emergency of some sort - and I believe that "emergency" is a very expansive category - you can make it until intermission. OH, and if it's just to answer your phone, let it go to voicemail, or stay in the hall until intermission.

Situation #7: This continues into Act II as well, but the Muscovite need for the best available seat makes the audience look as if its playing a game of musical chairs for at least the first five minutes of each act.

And all this just before intermission!

Situation #8: Is it really necessary to leave within two minutes of Act II beginning? If you wanted to leave, you had all intermission to do so. And I'm not even talking about a wimpy 10-minute American-style intermission; Russian intermissions are a good 20 minutes.

Situation #9: Mr. Tibetan Monk, after all the ruckus you caused to settle into Act I, I would think you would stick around for Act II.

Situation #10: Texting is not necessary. If you can be covert and do it quickly, maybe I'll give you a pass. If you have to have a conversation with your partner in order to respond to said text, and ask where a letter is located on your keyboard, you should not be doing it.

Absurdist Xenophobia: Russian Style

For a country with such a rich history, it is often distressing to be reminded of the paradoxes that exist in contemporary Russia. While I can only speak about Moscow, with its thriving theater, ballet and opera scene, a few recent news articles have been very upsetting. Not to mention the adventure I had to Metropolis - the gargantuan mall complete with bowling alley - in order to purchase a bag. While a successful shopping trip, I encountered this complicated Russian identity. 

The saleswoman who helped me (she, the English speaker, was called into action when my eyes glazed over at the rapid-fire speech pace of the other woman, who did not slow down, despite my request of медленне, пожалуйцта) explained how she lived in the UK and wanted to move back to a country where English is the primary language, as she "felt freer" speaking in English, and liked that Americans are loud. 

Having this pleasant exchange turned ugly when she said that she wanted to move here but there were too many Africans. I gave a dumbfounded look since I could not believe this had escaped her mouth; she took my momentary silence for misunderstanding and repeated, "you know,черный (the Russian adjective for black)." This only went downhill when she said how her Russian friend in Canada said there were so many "men with men and I don't understand it, man and woman is natural." She asked me if I liked the US, and I said yes, and because I can do and think and be who I am there, and despite our issues, of which there are many, it is OK to be of different ethnic, religious, gender and sexual identity backgrounds.

To Continue on a Larger Scale:

There has been a resurgence of Cossacks, those Russian of legend, in the Southwestern part of the country, as well as stopping smaller arts events in Moscow. I thought the Moscow stunt was a gimmick, but this is all too real. It screams of fascism and religious/ethnic persecution. And while I may be an historian, living this is absurd:

The Cossacks Are Back. May the Hills Tremble.

Sergey Ponomarev for The New York Times

Russia’s Cossack Revival: As the Russian government aims to promote a more conservative tone, Cossacks are playing a growing role, but threatening a gentle ethnic balance.

By ELLEN BARRY

Published: March 16, 2013

http://www.nytimes.com/2013/03/17/world/europe/cossacks-are-back-in-russia-may-the-hills-tremble.html?pagewanted=1

And in even more absurd news, author/comedian/actor/gay rights' activist Stephen Fry recently met with Vitaly Milonov, the (going to exclude the expletives and not-so-nice terms I would like to insert here) deputy in the St. Petersburg legislature who authored the law against homosexual propaganda. 

Russia's Fertile Grounds for Homophobia

18 March 2013 | Issue 5089

ByVictor Davidoff

For Vitaly Milonov, a deputy in the St. Petersburg legislature and author of the law against homosexual propaganda, his meeting with author and gay activist Stephen Fry on Thursday was, in his words, "fascinating, like contact with an alien civilization." Milonov is probably the only regional politician in Russia with nationwide name recognition. Now, his nonstop war against Russian homosexuals has given him worldwide notoriety.

The Moscow Times

http://www.themoscowtimes.com/opinion/article/russias-fertile-grounds-for-homophobia/477003.html

It is times like these that I am reminded that Russia never had a Renaissance. Truly, they were only painting Christian iconography up until 1736!

Maslenitsa - Eat all the блинчики and масла you can!

Something I never knew about, being the good Jewish girl that I am, was Maslenitsa, or Butter Week. Apparently this is the week before Lent, when you are supposed, at least in Eastern Orthodox tradition, to eat as many блинчики (blintz or pancake) as times a dog wags its tail. For anyone who knows my puppy Maggie, and how often she wags hers, this would indeed be impossible.

For Maslenitza (масла meaning butter) small stands are set up in various areas around the city.  Kamergersky Pereulok, the street where the Moscow Art Theater School (MXAT) is, is renamed "Gluttony Row" for this week of indulgence.

Set up with the blintz-shacks are a row of rather creepy scarecrow-like statues. The festival ends on Sunday with the burning of these effigies, who represent winter, in order to welcome the spring. Unfortunately, as per Russian spring, we are supposed to have snow from Thursday through Sunday. At least there is the promise of straw witch burning, a CHEESE FESTIVAL and St. Patrick's Day on Sunday to look forward to! As well as our, supposed, first entire day off!

Also, my dear friend Leslie made the cover of the Internet edition of the Moscow Times, since we were the only ones brave (or stupid) enough to sit outside and eat our блинчики, hence the photographer's excitement. At first we thought he wanted to take a photo of the design behind her, then he switched to English (our Russian is not nearly up to par for "out of the ordinary" encounters). Leslie smiled with her plate of food, to which he replied, "No. Taste it!" which led to the picture below. A fragment of my obnoxiously orange coat can be seen in the bottom left corner across from her. Immortalized forever: American grad students love to eat tasty (and cheap) food.

Heavy Snowfall Forecast for Moscow This Week

12 March 2013 | Issue 5086

The Moscow Times

Vladimir Filonov / MT

Leslie, 23, of Boston, Massachusetts, eating a pancake Tuesday at a Maslenitsa fest on Kamergersky Pereulok.

Image 1 of 2

Russian tradition might dictate that this week marks the start of spring, but weather forecasters are warning Moscow residents to brace for heavy snowfall.
The frosty, dry weather that the capital has been enjoying for the past week will change Wednesday as clouds roll in and snow falls on parts of the Moscow region, the federal weather bureau said.
"We forecast snowfall of up to two centimeters," a weather bureau official told Interfax, adding that in Moscow, residents should be on the lookout for black ice.
Snow will start to fall heavily Thursday and continue coming down through Saturday, dumping up to 18 centimeters in the city over three days, the weather bureau said.
Russians celebrate Maslenitsa this week, a holiday with pagan roots that marks the beginning of spring and traditionally includes the copious consumption of blini, whose round, warm shape symbolizes the sun.
But weather forecasters said Tuesday that warmth from the sun would be in short supply for the next few days. Temperatures are expected to hover between minus 17 and minus 22 degrees Celsius before Wednesday night, then warm up to plus 1 degree Friday afternoon and zero degrees Saturday.
The cold has led to 27 deaths in Moscow this winter; 265 people have been hospitalized for hypothermia, Interfax reported.

Read more:http://www.themoscowtimes.com/news/article/heavy-snowfall-forecast-for-moscow-this-week/476771.html#ixzz2NOH5VNVp
The Moscow Times

Sit, Stand, Push Unassuming American Students Out of the Way

For a country that certainly has its fair share of issues, support for the arts is not one of them. Every single night of the week, the theaters are full - be it for theater, ballet, opera, you name it. If only we had this issue in the States! And the size and prestige of the theater does not matter, people come out in throngs every night to every theater space.

A brief summary of what I have seen so far, having been here just over a week:

The Pillowman - Martin McDonagh
MXAT Small Stage
Friday Night
First night in Moscow. The theater is about 70 degrees Fahrenheit, i.e. sleep inducing coupled with jet lag*. Visually interesting play, and it was translated into Russian by one of our professors! People were actually sitting on the side aisle steps during the show because there were not enough seats for everyone who wanted to see it. Still not sure how fire code works here....

*we found out during tech for our show that there is no way to adjust the thermostat in the theaters. It is on a grid that controls the entire district and can only be controlled for the whole area. Welcome to Russia...

Uncle Vanya - Anton Chekhov
Vakhtangov Theater
Sunday Night
Gorgeous and grotesque production of the father of Russian playwriting. Since this is a post about how packed the theaters are, let me elaborate. When Anatoly Smeliansky said they would fit us into the theater, he was not kidding: they add removable chairs to one side of the aisle, and have fold-down stools attached to the other side. The aisle is effectively a 6 inch bit of elbow room. Hopefully there is never an emergency of any kind...

Giselle
Libretto: Jules-Henri Vernoy de Saint-Georges and Théophile Gautier
Music: Adolphe Adam
Choreography: Jean Coralli and Jules Perrot
Stanislavski Ballet and Opera Theater
Monday Night
Large, two-tier theater, full on a Monday night. This was one of the times we could have benefitted from having a native Russian speaker with us. It became fairly evident that we did not have seats, and should just wait until right before the curtain went up to take whatever was open. Seeing as our Russian  language skills were not quite that advanced, the directions were a bit difficult. Eventually we chose seats. Shortly after Act I began, Alexandra got bumped from her seat. During intermission, the same woman bumped Leslie from her seat. The constantly looking for a better seat, and in this case, taking advantage of American students who could not retort in any effective way, was comical and frustrating.  The best part was when the same ladies followed us down to another row, which was worse because we had the lighting equipment to contend with for a view. This has been a very interesting and peculiar phenomena....

American Sojourns: Three Short Plays by Thornton Wilder
MXAT American Studio
Tuesday Night - Final Dress
Wednesday Night - OPENING!
The opening of our show that we brought from A.R.T.! We were not sure if we would be the only ones attending opening. The house was full of English language high school/college students. It made for an interesting audience - there was a lot of whispering as they seemed to be playing "telephone" down the rows so everyone could understand what was happening in the play. Looking forward to seeing how the audience and show evolve...

King Lear - William Shakespeare
Satirikon Theater
Thursday Night
Full disclosure: Was exhausted and somewhat dreading seeing a Shakespeare play, seeing as certain shows that could run in 2 hours (Pillowman) took the better part of 3.5 hours. The theater is gorgeous and modern, the guy at the coat check is an extremely cute version of Paul Dano, the ushers are helpful - although to take our added-into-the-aisle seats, they had to ask an old woman to move - so far so good. The girl behind me is sitting on the edge of her seat - literally - which means she is virtually on top of me; not my ideal scenario to have a stranger breathing down my neck. And then the show - King Lear is interesting, but not my favorite Shakespeare play, and the only other time I saw a staged version of it, in English, I fell asleep. What is it going to be like sitting through Shakespeare in Russian? Magical. It was quite possibly, if not the best, one of the best pieces of theater I have ever seen. More detailed review to come. Truly a remarkable piece of theatrical craftsmanship. EVERYBODY needs to come to Moscow and see this!

And thus concluded a full week of theater. Was not well enough to go to the theater last night with my classmates - sounds like I should see the show, but made the right decision in skipping it last night - and tonight is my first night this week without a scheduled performance to see. What am I going to do with myself? Cook dinner and read Crime and Punishment!

To Queu or Not to Queu

Evidently the, at least American or British, notion of the line or queu is lost upon our contemporaries in Moscow.

Ex. 1: Trying to buy moisturizer
It is baffling that it was harder to get through the "line" to buy my product, than to decipher in Russian what it was I wanted (which I did without a problem, thank-you-very-much). The mass of women at the checkout counter was more of a clump than a line, so I, being the American that I am, tried to find where the end was. Little did I know, but from recent experience should have suspected, that it was just a free-for-all mash of humanity. It was comforting that the Russian woman next to me got equally as frustrated with the situation. She gave up and left; I persevered, being cut "in line" by numerous older women before I elbowed my way through, and am now the very happy owner of almond scented, dry-skin moisturizing lotion.
*Note: Yes, it is this important to have moisturizer.

Ex. 2: The ladies' room at the Stanislavski and Nemerovich-Danchenko Ballet and Opera Theater
Enormous lines, as can be expected. The stalls can be reached from the right and left. The "correct" line formed to the left. I noticed the, much smaller you would have been yelled at in the US for starting another line, line to the right. Made like the Russian example I had been presented with and joined that one. Only three people ahead of me. I guess I am learning from the earlier experience of the day. Made it back to my seat with about 20 minutes of intermission to go...

When in Moscow...

...do as the Muscovites do.

1. Never smile
2. Always wear a fur coat or hat, especially if it resembles Cruella deVille
3. Have no concept of personal space
4. Be prepared to body-check someone at all times; this goes for everyone, including small old ladies at the coat check, they will do the same to you and with more force
5. Do not know how to drive a car - it's even better if you're on a phone and iPad, while trying to run over pedestrians in a cross walk
6. Do not know how to walk straight ahead or at a consistent pace, preferably move on an unpredictable diagonal
7. Show extreme PDA on the escalators in the Metro
8. Never try to be eco-savvy and not bag your produce - you will be stopped at the register and sent back to have your produce weighed and priced in that department - and you should know that, whether or not there is anyone at the scale
9. Don't try to wash AND dry your hands in a public restroom if there is a line; you'll be lucky enough to be allowed to the sink
10. When in doubt, wear stilettos

Moscow Misadventure #1

To backtrack and talk about the events that lead to landing in Moscow. Departure day - Need to start the experience out on the right foot. Clear security at JFK (though completely forgot to take my bag of liquids out of my carry-on bag), make it to the gate and realize that the zipper on my jeans is broken. Naturally this would happen to me. Luckily, my, rather large, carry-on suitcase was not taken from me and forcibly checked, as I now had a change of clothes.  Leggings and a dress are infinitely more comfortable, and thus I began my trip with less than I left the house with.

Of note: the situation was not helped by the two beers I had prior to leaving, which went straight to my head.

Greetings from Moscow!

Just a test run to make sure it all works....